Q: Is there a scientific conspiracy?

Physicist: Obviously.

Science started in the 1750’s when a cadre of ultra-wealthy nobles decided to use their extreme means to build complex and bewildering devices for the express purpose of, as Mikhail V. Lomonosov put it (in Russian), “… the obfuscation of the truth from all, the befuddlement of the masses, the erosion of spiritual pursuits, and to [waste a lot of] time.”.


Built to befuddle and obfuscate.

In his letters to fellow conspirator Cantor, Newton boasted about their contributions to science and mathematics saying “What we do today, let it not be mistaken, is the most elaborate and vexing gaff ever perpetrated.  This truly is a godly joke against which all other humour can scarcely be compared.”.

Within the conspiracy there are supporters and detractors.  Einstein, crushed by guilt, finally recanted in 1960 saying (in German) “I made it all up.  I thought it would be funny, but then things got out of hand.”  At the other extreme are examples like Gallileo, who left his middle finger on display with a plaque that read (in Italian) “May all the Earth sit and spin like a plate upon my bird”.  This plaque was later removed, ostensibly for being offensive, but in reality for accidentally revealing a truth about the Earth.

Gallileo's final statement.

Galileo’s only entirely honest statement.

The scientific community didn’t become truly organized until the early 20th century in order to squelch public knowledge of ghosts and telepathy.  Today psychic scientists like James Randi use their secret powers to “prove” that other psychics don’t exist by messing up their vibes.  During a meeting of the NSF inside their secret volcano lair, NSF director Dr. Córdova was accidentally recorded speaking without her human face mask on: “Tricking people into injecting their children with autism and hiding all the health benefits of coal is easy.  That’s Tuesday morning.  The hardest part of my job is keeping all the free energy devices off the market.”

The scientific conspiracy was perhaps best summed up by Carl Sagan from the after-life “Why did I do Cosmos?  Are you serious?  Why did man pretend to go to the Moon?  Why do we hide global cooling or make up germs?  Why do we systematically spread bizarre and fantastic lies about the nature of all of existence, generation after generation?  Because it’s hilarious.”

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10 Responses to Q: Is there a scientific conspiracy?

  1. Manu says:

    I almost believed it 😀

  2. Bob Foster says:

    I was surprised at this question to this forum, but even more surprised by the answer. Well done! Indeed, well done.

  3. Ryan says:

    I always look forward to your site’s April Fool’s posts the most, so clever and well written (just like all of your content). Thanks for the laugh!

  4. Nicholas Scott-Mills says:

    Well, this stimulated in me remembrance of the falsification of Popper, this avoids statements of the sort; ‘my common-sense tells me that my common-sense is right, and so such assertions are fraudulent.’, far better to say; ‘these assertions do not lend themselves to falsifiable hypotheses, and so do not count as scientific assertions.’.

    Another avenue is to invoke the principle of adbuction, which can sometimes get in where falsification can’t, so one may say; ‘the best explanation for the observed reality is that these great scientists used their intellect to penetrate towards deeper truths of reality.’.

    So, that’s my 2 bob.

  5. John says:

    The question that should have been asked is: Do you think science has been used to benefit all of humanity? I don’t agree with the vast majority of “conspiracy theories “, however; I do think there is a touch of truth to some of the corporate, government and big pharma theories. How do you prove that vaccines are safe in humans without infecting them with a potentially “deadly virus “? Can anyone prove whether vaccines or better sanitation practices is responsible for the decline of infectious diseases in the past 100 years? The only information the public sees are statistics and statistics is a scientific way to tell half truths.

    Diderot we go to the moon? Were you there?

  6. Locutus says:

    I wonder how long you spent figuring out you were going to write this for your April Fool’s joke. For that matter, how do you decide what to post, and how much?

  7. webmail says:

    Very funny. Still, the global warming thing’s a bit fishy…

  8. ravenwood says:

    Right!!! Telepathy is pure bullshit but, at least, it’s of the very purest kind–not a single fart in it. And can we all not agree with Helmholtz that if there ever does appear to be anything to it we should all make sure no one hears of it. There is no conspiracy in science of any kind and we have PSICOP to police the dangerous territories. Also, all this consciousness stuff is pure bullshit, as well. There is no such thing as consciousness–it’s a conspiracy by pseudo-fake-stupid-brainless philosophers like David Chalmers who has been rightly identified by the AMAZING RANDI (peace be upon him) as an idiot. And there is no ax that RANDI is grinding because as a magician who has devoted himself to deceiving others (the audience) why should he ever think that other people are doing nothing but the same? As scientists we should never think about things like consciousness nor allow others to do so–but that’s not a conspiracy–because it’s absolutely certain a fact, a truth, and further everybody knows it. And that’s why laughing at David Chalmers is ok with me.

  9. micheal neice says:


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