Category Archives: April Fools

Q: Is there a scientific conspiracy?

Physicist: Obviously. Science started in the 1750’s when a cadre of ultra-wealthy nobles decided to use their extreme means to build complex and bewildering devices for the express purpose of, as Mikhail V. Lomonosov put it (in Russian), “… the … Continue reading

Posted in -- By the Physicist, April Fools | 9 Comments

Q: Is it possible to have a completely original thought?

Physicist: Nope!  At least, not for the last 27 years. The last truly, verifiably original thought was had by Kjersti Skramstad of Oslo, in October of 1987.  She reported her insight immediately, as all original thinkers do, and since then there’s been … Continue reading

Posted in -- By the Physicist, April Fools | 18 Comments

Q: Is Murphy’s law real?

Physicist: The mathematical statement of Murphy’s Law, as used in scientific communities, is tremendously complex.  But the common form, “everything that can go wrong will”, is fairly accurate and more than sufficient for most applications. The short answer is: yes, … Continue reading

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Q: Will CERN awaken the Elder Gods?

Physicist: At the risk of over-simplifying the situation; yes, absolutely. For years dark and unexplainable events have been the norm in particle accelerator laboratories around the world.  However, it was not until a meta-analysis of the 2001 “blood running up … Continue reading

Posted in -- By the Physicist, April Fools | 18 Comments

Mathematical proof of the existence of God.

Physicist: This derivation isn’t particularly easy, but bear with me.  It’s essentially a re-phrasing of a joint work by Descartes, Godel, and Hawking. Beginning with the unitarity of quantum probability you find the non-vanishing deism coefficient manifest. The set of … Continue reading

Posted in -- By the Physicist, April Fools | 40 Comments

Q: Is Santa real?

Physicist: The existence of Santa Claus is an established fact, beyond debate.  I, like most people of my generation, have verified his existence experimentally by means of the “Cookie test”. The idea that millions of people, the world over, could … Continue reading

Posted in -- By the Physicist, April Fools, Paranoia, Physics | 12 Comments