Q: How does one attain an understanding of everything?

Metatem, High Chair of Truscience: The true path to enlightenment, born of the enlightenment, is obviously Truscience.  Truscience replaces the “old science”, which is full of complicated symbols that no one understands, crazy stories about ancient lizard monsters killed by a giant rock, and the laziest creation myth ever conceived: a “Big Bang”.  St. Bertrand forgive the fools!  It is common knowledge that if you can’t explain an idea to a 5-year-old, then you don’t understand it.  Clearly “scientists” don’t understand much of anything.  All of Truscience is, of course, completely backed up by modern scientific knowledge only without any of the wrong stuff (hence the name).

Truscience combines the true findings of the old science with modern quantum meditation.  Finally free of the shackles of “math” we can come to understand reality through the lens of the Truself.  It took trillions of years of old science for humanity to finally realize that it doesn’t take trillions of years of science to fully comprehend the manyverse.  To know the full scope of time and space we need only ask Laplace’s Demon.

The great Knower.

The High Chancellor communing with followers of Truscience from other planets, post-singularity energy matrices, and the future.

I can’t underscore this enough: science is hard.  It takes decades of meditation, logic, and introspection to be granted total knowledge and at all times you’ll be assailed from all sides by the Unreasoning masses who have been fooled into believing that mathematics and expensive equipment are the path to knowledge.  Fortunately, you don’t have to understand Truscience to completely believe it.  In fact, striving to understand every little thing really gets in the way.  All you need is faith.  Faith and a nominal fee to participate in a few classes, workshops, and friendly, purifying get-togethers.

We (the followers of Truscience) have come a long way from our cargo-cult origins.  Whereas we once only went through the motions of science without a spiritual connection, now we have access to the manyversal truths.  For example, we now know that we will all live forever.  As St. Newton divined, “energy is neither created nor destroyed” and as St. Einstien proved “energy and matter are the same thing”.  Therefore, once our matter-bodies release our energy-selves each be sorted by Maxwell’s Demon; some will ascend into the Singularity and some will be left behind to be crushed under our robot feet.

We also now know that whatever we believe is true.  As St. Shrodinger showed when he killed a cat with his mind, quantum physics means that we can make of reality whatever we truly wish.  It wasn’t until after I earned all my degrees and found my true name, Metatem, that I came to understand Truscience.  Now that I’m 7th degree, it’s my turn be in the High Chair.

According to our most basic precepts, all people are followers of Truscience (zeroth degree) except of course for “the Unreasoning”; which includes such poisonous influences as concerned family members and old-science “scientists” who dispute the truth of Truscience.  The power of Truscience is that it’s true whether you believe it or not, because we believe it (and thus it is manifestly so).  And we should know.  The followers of Truscience are smarter than followers of every other religion and creed for a simple reason: the Aumann Agreement theorem, which says that all smart people will eventually agree.  Therefore all smart people either believe in Truscience, haven’t heard of it, or have been compromised by an Unreasoning.

Truly, how can something with so much science and smart, moral people not be true?

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7 Responses to Q: How does one attain an understanding of everything?

  1. George D Conger says:

    April fool yourself!

  2. Analyst says:

    “at all times you’ll be assailed from all sides by the Unreasoning masses who have been fooled into believing that mathematics …. are the path to knowledge. ”

    Why do you think a person using mathematics to be a unreasoning mass? Mathematics, seems to be a tool which really allows one to explore the intellectual places, thus, I think, is the best path to knowledge. But you seem to be a different man with different experiences, can you please share your experiences for the above assail on Mathematics.

  3. George says:

    Really, you are confused. How on earth can you set yourself against the language of the universe, mathematics.

  4. Hank Davis says:

    I love your April fool’s day posts. It is a shame Douglas Adams is not with us to add to your creativity and humor.

  5. Wes says:

    I’m a few days late, but I too have much appreciated your April Fools posts as much as those I deem more informative. Love the famous name misspellings above, a nice touch.

    Offhand, one part… there probably IS something wrong with the Big Bang no matter what has been long invested in it’s promotion. The “Bang” idea was simply taken from Hubble’s 1929 observations that distant galaxies are moving away from us and then further interpolated as the initial universe must have really linearly exploded, just as the unfortunately popular term “Bang” insinuates. So the beginning, the singularity was assumed and born.

    But… the 1998 observations by the Supernova Cosmology Project and the High-Z Supernova Search Team simultaneously obtained results suggesting an acceleration in the expansion of the universe. Run in reverse, this seems much more gentle than a “Bang” and a lot smaller than “Big”.

    So anyway, now it seems that the universe couldn’t have come from a point, a singularity, but must rather have been there all along as the reverse expansion, a graphical curve, gradually reduces by logically never quite reaching a zero size. The singularity/big bang idea seems outmoded to me unless someone has already thought up an ad hoc fix… which wouldn’t surprise me. Personally, I’m nearly thrown back to St. Einstien’s Steady State idea. He might be right, it was always there as is, just proportionately smaller.

    And math, don’t get me started. Since a lot of our math undergoes quadratic equations and such equations have more than one solution, we have long determined the final answer solely by our intuition, frankly by what makes ordinary sense to our feeble human brains. Our mathematical “proofs” are apparently just a guess, a good one we hope.


  6. ENGLISH BOB says:

    Interesting reverse psychology. I like the way you chose April the first to con people into thinking you were not deadly serious. We in the ranks strain like greyhounds in the slips, awaiting your command . Let loose the dogs of war and cry England and St George. our day has come at last.

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